WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?!?!?!
Thankfully, I have learned a few things about motherhood since that fateful day in July, I'm no expert, far from it, but I have learned things here and there about parenting the children God gave me. But then, just when I think I have one area figured out, I'm thrown a curve ball and that phrase screams back at me...what the heck am I doing?!?!
And so, I'm still learning, always, always learning...and this week I learned the importance of the P word: PREPARATION
Here's how the lesson went down...
It was a beautiful Wednesday morning, my kids were both in a fantastic mood and we were all looking forward to the morning's activities: the dentist and the library.
I had a few expectations for the dentist appointment. I figured Selah would handle the appointment like she has every single doctor appointment she has ever had since she was an itty bitty baby. She's always handled all her well-checks, sick appointments, eye doctor appointments, dentist appointments, SURGERY like a champ. She is generally pretty quiet, responds kindly to the doctors with a sweet smile, calmly does what the doctor asks of her, and observes every action in curiosity and wonder. She's always been a joy to take to the doctor, even for shots she would scream for a few seconds and almost immediately resume her calm, joyful demeanor. Now, for Owen, he has pretty much hated every single one of his experiences with doctors. He doesn't enjoy people touching, poking, prodding at him, especially people he has never met before, and he is pretty stone-faced, serious, and struggles against everything the doctor is trying to do. I can count on one hand the number of times we have left the doctor's office without tears streaming down his sweet, chubby cheeks. So, naturally, I assumed this particular dentist appointment would mimic all previous doctor appointments. Boy was I in for a surprise!
Selah has been to the dentist three times back when we lived in Austin, but not since we moved almost a year and a half ago. That's quite a long time for a young girl, and I didn't even think about the fact that she probably doesn't remember going to the dentist or what the dentist even does. I had briefly mentioned that we needed to brush our teeth really well since we were going to the dentist, but I'm not sure she put two and two together.
It was awful guys... by far the worst experience I have every had at any doctor for either child ever... it was BAAAAD!
It started out okay, there were super fun (and super organized, seemingly clean, which I happen to love) toys in the waiting room and the office staff were extremely kind and friendly. They engaged Selah in conversation once they called her back and they kept doting on how cute her glasses were and her tattoos on her arms and wondering where she got them and about her birthday...yada yada yada, super friendly. Then...then, they tried to take X-rays of her teeth, which is something new and something I didn't know they were going to do. Well, you small-mouthed people out there will understand the pain associated with these dreaded X-rays when they try to dig that hard, poky piece of film into your cheeks to get a good look at those pearly whites. I have always hated that part! And, now, Selah made her hatred for this procedure very clear as well. After the first attempt, and discovering the uncomfortableness of it all, she refused to open her mouth again for the poor, patient hygienist. She cried, she screamed, she flailed and kicked and REFUSED to cooperate. I, who was holding Owen at the time (who was also stinky with a dirty diaper, he always has the best timing), tried to calm her down, I tried to reason with her, I tried to remind her of her favorite verse (God is with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9), I held her hand, and I tried to sing a song she learned from Daniel Tiger about closing your eyes and thinking of something happy (this was her successful plan for her 4 year old shots last month). At some point, one of those strategies somewhat worked, at least for the split second it took to pry her mouth open, ask her to clamp down on the piece, and snap the picture. DONE! Okay, phew, that should be the end of that craziness...right?? Wrong!
Another hygienist took over for her cleaning, and she was super, super sweet, and, super, super, pregnant (this is important to know), and she thoroughly explained all her tools she would be using and she let Selah touch them and play with them a bit. She was in a much better mood. They put some headphones on her and laid her back where there was a movie playing for her to watch as her teeth were being cleaned...seems fun, no big deal. Well, as they were going to suck the water from her mouth with that suction thingy she freaked, again, but this time way worse. It's like she snapped, and there was no going back. She eventually had to sit on my lap facing me, with her head in the hygienist's lap, while being held down (let me remind you, that during this time, smelly Owen is around, one of the other sweet hygienists attempted to hold him for me, but that just resulted in more screaming and thrashing about, so I just somewhat held him next to me while trying to restrain Selah). I was all for just giving up and trying again another time, but they insisted on pushing through. This poor pregnant lady with Selah's head on her limited lap space throwing her head about like a mad woman...it was like I was in the twilight zone and I really had no idea how to respond to this unexpected reaction to dental work. I felt so inadequate as a parent, mostly because my child was scared and sad and potentially traumatized forever (good news, turns out she isn't forever traumatized, but at the moment it sure felt like she would be). I felt like the worst mother ever! I hated seeing her so upset, not because I was annoyed or embarrassed, but because I put her in a situation that brought her pain and caused her fear...I didn't adequately PREPARE her for this situation. Then the dentist came in, and all he wanted to do was count her teeth with that little mirror thing, but she wouldn't have it so she just sat on my lap and he somewhat counted and checked her teeth with his fingers.
She was done after that...thank God! But, I knew Owen was next, and based on his history with doctors, I was terrified of what was to come. Turns out, Owen doesn't mind the dentist in the least. He didn't make a peep. Just laid there and let the hygienist and doctor do their thang without any struggle, without any tears...it was a miracle really. I just kept saying, "I can't believe this, this is sooooo not what I expected this morning to be like!" I was so grateful for his calmness and bringing some peace (and humor) to a very stressful time. During Owen's exam Selah is bouncing, chatting, and singing happily around the room with her newly acquired balloon, sticker, and bracelet. I was confused, but thankful, and that's when I realized she wasn't going to be traumatized for life after all. She resumed about her business happily as if nothing awful happened just 5 short minutes ago. Kids...
I was so overwhelmed and in so much shock at the time that it took me a while to figure out what the heck had happened in that place, but I think I figured it out. That P word. I didn't prepare Selah for this experience in anyway, and I set us all up for failure. I have been making a conscious effort to prepare Selah for future situations. Sometimes it is hard to do and it can be hard to remember, but I'm trying, I'm learning. Things always go so much smoother when I remember! I know I can't prepare her for everything all the time and she needs to learn to adapt and roll with the punches, but I can do my best to prepare her for the big things, like doctor appointments...
I'm so not looking forward to our next visit in 6 months!! Kids don't really need dentists right?? Their teeth just fall out eventually...right?? No...hmmm...bummer.
Thanks for reading!! :) I'd love to hear what you have learned as a mother...share the knowledge!!
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